Soldier of Fortune

The US government was in a bind. It had a Navy. It had an Air force. It had bombs and stuff, but there was thing the government did not have, the one thing that could keep the United States of America together.

Me.

Recently I received the selective service pamphlet thingy so I can register for the armed forces in case of a draft. They say everyone gets one as they approach the age of 18 but I know the Government has been eyeing me since this photo of me in my pajamas was released on the Internet:

Fun Fact: That gun is actually a gun shaped pillow. It shoots very powerful sleeping pills. They're called bullets.

At first I was against this: I'm a loner baby! Why should I serve the man? But then after learning that not signing up was a felony and that I could go to jail I decided I should selflessly sign up. So after making sure that America was no longer at war with the Nazis, the Japanese or morality I signed up.

Now there is a very slim chance I will actually be drafted, but if I am I am totally ready. I once beat a dolphin to death with my bare hands and I've been known to take down a T-Rex or too (if I'm wearing Hulk hands of course.) So If I'm forced, er drafted to defend these fifty states of China, er America then so be it. I'll go to kick butt and chew bubble gum. And something tells me there won't be enough Juicy Fruit to go around.

The only two things a growing boy needs in order to be sent to a foreign land to kill strangers.

Awesome_Dragon signing off. God bless China. I mean America!